Wednesday Update: Kimmel Goes After Unvaccinated With ‘Anti-Vax Barbie’ Parody, Aaron Rodgers Isn’t Boycotting The Super Bowl, Hulk Hogan Implies Vaccine Behind Bob Saget’s Death, The NFL Culls Five Coaches

Wikimedia Commons, By Ahmet Yalçınkaya

We’re tracking the conservative culture clash with woke Hollywood hypocrites to keep you up to date on who’s winning and who we hate. 

 Here’s what happened today:

 

Anti-Vax Barbie

Late night host Jimmy Kimmel mocked the unvaccinated with a segment on his Monday night show that featured a parody advertisement for an “anti-vax Barbie” doll.

“There’s so much stuff to sell to these anti-vaxxers and the folks at Mattel are no dummies,” Kimmel began. “They made a mint over Christmas with a twist on what is probably America’s all-time favorite doll.”

“There’s a new doll in town and the fun is contagious,” the ad’s narrator said while two girls played with dolls. “It’s anti-vax Barbie. She’s strong. She’s independent. She doesn’t trust science.”

“Bill Gates is the antichrist,” one of the girls said while mock playing. “Vaccines have Satan’s blood,” added the other. “Says here Moderna turns your teeth Jewish,” remarked another. 

The ad parioded Barbies at a grocery store, where the employee doll told a maskless version she couldn’t enter without a face covering. “I have a medical condition,” maskless Barbie argued before attacking the employee, while a third Barbie recorded their confrontation. 

“Anti-vaxx Barbie. Exclusively available in Florida and Kentucky,” the ad concludes. “Barbie Dream Ventilator sold separately.”

 

 

Conspiracy

Aging wrestler Hulk Hogan thinks that “Full House” star Bob Saget died as a result of getting vaccinated. 

Hogan commented on YouTube influencer Josh Pray’s video about Saget’s death with a theory that the actor, along with Betty White and Sidney Poitier, who recently passed, actually died as a direct result of the vaccine. 

He responded to a commenter who claimed the “America’s Funniest Videos” host was killed by the “jab,” Hogan remarked, “100 percent Betty and Sidney were also jabbed their dropping like flies but they’ll never say it,” in a since deleted comment. 

Early on in the pandemic, Hogan made controversial remarks during the lockdown. “Maybe we don’t need a vaccine,” he said in April 2020. “Maybe we need to take this time of isolation from the distractions of the world and have a personal revival where we focus on the ONLY thing in the world that really matters. Jesus.”

 

Not Boycotting

Green Bay Packers star Aaron Rodgers set the record straight about rumors that he was planning to sit out the Super Bowl in protest of the league’s COVID-19 policies.

“I’ve given a lot less f**ks the last couple years, but one thing I do give a major f**k about is narratives about me, especially ones that are so ridiculously off-base,” Rodgers told Pat McAfee on Tuesday.

“This one was pure comedy for me,” he explained. “But when pure comedy turns into more slightly reputable news outlets who then mention that to where it becomes an even bigger story, I just felt like it was time to end that. We had some fun.”

A New York radio host claimed he got a text from someone in Rodger’s camp about the quarterback’s alleged plan to boycott the NFL’s championship game.  

“No one in my ‘inner circle’ is talking to the media,” he continued. “No one that I trust and care about and have conversations with is talking to any media member.”

He said the thought of missing the Super Bowl is “so ridiculously stupid,” that he would never even joke about it. 

“Do I have an issue with some of the protocols? Of course,” he concluded. “But I would never even joke about this. It’s the dumbest (expletive) thing, I wouldn’t even joke about it.”

Stern Words

Pro-vaccine shock jock Howard Stern isn’t thrilled that tennis star Novak Djokovic got his visa reinstated and will be able to play in the Australian Open.  

“That f***nut. What a f****** a**hole,” Stern said about Djokovic on his show. “The first I’ve heard of this guy is that he doesn’t want to get his vaccine, they should throw him right the f*** out of tennis. That’s it. Goodbye.”

He’s not convinced the world’s no. 1 tennis player ever contracted COVID-19 despite reports to the contrary. “He could be lying,” Stern ranted. “He could be lying. He’s a d*****bag. He’s a f***er.”

Black Monday

Five NFL head coaches didn’t survive the regular season end’s slaughter after leading their teams to abysmal seasons this year.

Every Chicago Bears fan knows the team needs a stronger offensive line, except for coach Matt Nagy, who’s 6-11 record this season was grounds for termination. “That’s real. That’s life. We know our record’s not good enough. You can’t run from it,” he said after losing to the Vikings on Sunday. Nagy and GM Ryan Pace were both let go. 

Despite the win against the Bears, the Minnesota Vikings coach of eight years, Mike Zimmer was out on Monday as well. Zimmer has failed to make it to the playoffs for a second year in a row, finishing both seasons with an 8-9 record. GM Rick Spielman was made a free agent the same day.

Denver Broncos’ coach Vic Fangio didn’t manage a winning season during his three year tenure, and after losing the last four games of the season, he got the ax.

Brian Flores of the Miami Dolphins may have been able to keep his job if the team made it to the playoffs after a midseason rally broke their 1-7 start at the beginning of the year, but the Titans crushed their dreams and put a nail in Flores’ coffin.

The New York Giants are at the bottom of the NFC East with a 4-13 record, losing six straight games at the end of the season. GM Dave Gettleman resigned and co-owner John Mara cut head coach Joe Judge the next day. 

“I said before the season started that I wanted to feel good about the direction we were headed when we played our last game of the season,” he said on Tuesday. “Unfortunately, I cannot make that statement, which is why we have made this decision.”

 

Meta Life

Reese Witherspoon shocked fans by either forewarning, or promoting the metaverse in a Tuesday tweet. 

“In the (near) future, every person will have a parallel digital identity. Avatars, crypto wallets, digital goods will be the norm. Are you planning for this?” She told her 3 million followers. 

“Prepared for you becoming a crypto scam loony? Actually I was,” replied one Twitter user

“This is more embarrassing for you than doing late night infomercials,” wrote another. 

“Blink twice if Mark Zuckerberg is holding you hostage,” one person joked. 

 

Ailing

Unvaccinated former adult entertainment star Jenna Jameson, has been hospitalized for losing her ability to walk, but was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder in Hawaii and is receiving treatment. 

She posted a video from her hospital bed explaining her condition on Monday. Hey guys, first of all thank you for all the love and support through my DMs,” she captioned the post. 

“I see each and every one of you, and I appreciate it. The doctors suspect Guillain-Barré syndrome and have started my IVIG treatment,” Jameson continued.”I am in the hospital and will likely remain here until treatment is complete. I hope to be out of here soon.”

She also clarified that the diagnosis was not a reaction to the COVID-19 shot, as she is not vaccinated. “PS I did NOT get the jab or any jab,” she concluded. “This is NOT a reaction to the jab. Thank you for your concern.”

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