Jewel Thieves Make Off With $3.5 Million In Goods Because Of Jean-Claude Van Damme

Action star Jean-Claude Van Damme didn’t use his martial arts skills to subdue two criminals robbing a jewelry store on Tuesday night, in fact, he helped them get away… Though it was unwitting on his part.

The “Double Impact” star was visiting a Parisian optician’s office while two suspects made off with $3.5 million in gems from a nearby jeweler. But why was Van Damme connected to the crime if he was getting his eyes checked storefronts away? It’s not as if he failed to foil the robbery in person. 

Police say it’s because potential witnesses were distracted from seeing the robbery, which they described as a “monumental hall,” by Van Damme’s presence. 

The 60-year-old actor was such a distraction, that patrons at a crowded cafe in-ear- and eyeshot of the crime scene reported that they didn’t see or hear any criminal activity, as they were too focused on spying on the actor while he shopped for new lenses.  

Alas, even without eyewitnesses, Paris police were able to fall back on ole reliable Big Brother, and identified a suspect through CCTV footage of the crime. A gray-haired man in a suit was caught on camera arriving and subsequently leaving the store with a white bag full of jewelry, then escaping on a green scooter parked outside the shop.

Store staff told police that the man had impersonated a customer, asking to see various baubles, before holding them at knifepoint and collecting his haul.

By Wednesday morning, Paris police arrested two suspects who were in their mid-40’s and mid-50’s and managed to recover a “substantial part” of the stolen gems.

Marie Finn